Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
