I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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