i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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