Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
