i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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