I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
