I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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