My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
