I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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