She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
