Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
