On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
