Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
