shes about as inviting as chlamydia
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Randomize
