if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
