Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
