at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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