i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I need water and some morals
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
