its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
