Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
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Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
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She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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