The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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