So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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