C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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