I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
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