Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
