Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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