So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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