So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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