Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
