By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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