so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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