What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
