My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
