this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
