a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She needs sedatives and a leash
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
