pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
