DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
