Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
