So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
