Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
