It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize