I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
