You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
