the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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