a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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