dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
