Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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