oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
