The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
