Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
