i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
