I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
