1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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