You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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