Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
