all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
