we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
