if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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