You smell like stripper and shame
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
