Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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