I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
