Well apparently he's into motor boating.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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