Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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