My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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