saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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