God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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