Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
