it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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