i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
