Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
