im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
they're like a gay fantastic four
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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